ME...?

Since I have noticed that people don't really check this one out, I feel that I can write more personal thought here and not fear that certain people will come across it. Thanks TG for helping me see that what I want to share shouldn't be censored because of who may read it, though this isn't my usual blog, it is me...I am nothingness.

It seems bad things always happen to good people. Usually they are people around me, if it is not me myself. Life seems so depressing. Bad things happen every second to someone. You only hear tragedies on the news, when do you hear about someone falling in love, never. Along with my list about being constantly depressed, I don’t mention the fact that I have attempted suicide several times, when I was younger and still constantly think about it. One person alone stops me now, my boy. I once attempted hanging myself with an extension cord but was too tall to do it in my house. Drugs have always helped ease the pain that people sometimes call life. The only problem now is random drug tests. I will always be an outside that no one but a few people like. I am used to it, but the loneliness still hurts. I think that is the worse pain, loneliness, I have spent my whole life alone and it is tragic knowing that I am probably going to continue through life and death the same way. What can I do to change this? Be the person everyone likes, by being someone else? I am stuck being me, the person who says stupid shit and then kicks himself in the ass after I am home by myself overanalyzing the reason I wasn’t asked to hang out again. I realize that I ruin every opportunity that comes my way, afraid to ask a girl out and sound childish. I am pathetic. But I am me; no one can take that from me. All I can do is hope that I can come across a shy woman who is the same way and hope that I have the balls to step up and see that this is the time to act. Someday perhaps.