Numb

My heart has been numb for so long it has died, til out of the blue you came in and gave it a small jolt. Suprisingly it started beating again. You laid your head on my chest, the beating startled you. I told you it would die again soon. You saw past my flaws, including my huge problem with being an alcoholic. You seemed to understand and accept me. Perhaps it is just my imagination thinking there was a slight connection with the fact that it has been so long that a woman has appeared attracted to me. My mind has never been my friend. I either think too much and ruin things with talk or not enough and ruin it with actions. I am one big flaw.

Timing is everything in this crazy world, unfortunately I have always been bad at timing. I seem to meet people who may be the right person but at the wrong time, or the wrong people at the right time. All the people including only friends coming and going has made me a lonely person with walls so that I don't have to feel the loss again. The question is, is it better to remain numb or to give in to the ups and downs? Numb has left me protected but depressed and lonely. Feeling has had some joys but more heartaches that seem to be the end of the world. Who's next to come and go, what am I going to do with them, let them in or keep them out. Time will tell.