What does the future hold?

SO apparently because HB posted hers that was in draft, I am obligated to also even though this was just going to get written in my book at home whenever I got a chance. But here is the post not meant for your eyes. Same questions, hardly answers.

I have tried to stop myself of thinking about the future. I have been wondering often about what would happen next year if HB and I lasted that long. I have planned to go home to be with my son, though I dread living back there. She made a comment while cooking thanksgiving dinner about me being gone next year, it really upset me. I brought it back up while we were getting ready to go to sleep. All I could say is we have to wait and see what happens and plan from there. She said that I had to go back with my son. I want to be with him, but not really there, I want to be with her, I know she won't go there. Choices, though this is way too early to make a decision, why would I even stress about it, because that’s what I do. Say we keep going as good as we have been thus far, how do I just up and say goodbye and go back to nowhere to be with my son, struggle for a job and probably end up working nowhere for nothing and end up resenting him for being the reason I gave up Love. Flip sides, I stay with her and be a civilian around here making good money until she leaves and then she’ll want to go back to Texas, where I can’t just drive 8 hours to see my son. Though if I followed her to Texas my son would be with me during the summers. But what if it doesn’t work out there, I am stuck a long way from home. Then I was thinking about when I get out to go home for a bit and coming back and I just don’t know. All I know is I want to be with both, but I can’t have my cake and eat it too (I’ve never understood this reference, of course if you have cake you’re going to eat it!?). The sad part is I know my son will be there always and I can make distance work with him, since I have been already. If I didn’t have him things would be so much easier, but then again if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be where I am right now, I’d probably be in jail or still selling/doing drugs. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably be saying it until the day I die; Timing has never been my thing. I think if things continue on the path as it is now that I will do what I have to, to stay with her and hope that my son will understand someday. Plus He’d have fun visiting new places in the summer as opposed to staying in bumfuck Ohio. But that’s just a thought at the moment, we’ll have to see if I screw things up between now and then.