My heart has been numb for so long it has died, til out of the blue you came in and gave it a small jolt. Suprisingly it started beating again. You laid your head on my chest, the beating startled you. I told you it would die again soon. You saw past my flaws, including my huge problem with being an alcoholic. You seemed to understand and accept me. Perhaps it is just my imagination thinking there was a slight connection with the fact that it has been so long that a woman has appeared attracted to me. My mind has never been my friend. I either think too much and ruin things with talk or not enough and ruin it with actions. I am one big flaw.
Timing is everything in this crazy world, unfortunately I have always been bad at timing. I seem to meet people who may be the right person but at the wrong time, or the wrong people at the right time. All the people including only friends coming and going has made me a lonely person with walls so that I don't have to feel the loss again. The question is, is it better to remain numb or to give in to the ups and downs? Numb has left me protected but depressed and lonely. Feeling has had some joys but more heartaches that seem to be the end of the world. Who's next to come and go, what am I going to do with them, let them in or keep them out. Time will tell.
About Me
- RC666
- Life is generally boring, it is based on routine. I get comfortable in routine, I enjoy being bored. But every once in a while I do stupid shit to shake it up and have a good time. I hate most of the world and the people in it. My head is full of a lot of nothingness.
3 comments:
Randy,
I came across your blog today and man you are really down on yourself. I am no expert, but I do have a severe form of ADHD, and believe you have the symptoms. Even if you don't, it's clear that you are chronically depressed.
You know you can get help with these disorders? I am on an ADHD forum, and everyday someone new joins the list and talks about how their life just completely turned around when they started medication and counseling.
Most people with untreated adult ADHD self medicate themselves with alcohol, cocaine or illegal stimulants. Unfortunately, as you already know, these drugs lead you down a self destructive path.
First and foremost I would like you to know, that you are not a fuck-up or disappointment. You can get help and have a truly productive and happy life.
If you don't know where to start, then visit the Hallowell Center at http://www.drhallowell.com. You can also talk to folks on a good forum at http://www.livingwithadd.com.
You can also tell me to fuck off and mind my own business :-)
Gregg
http://livingwithaadd.blogspot.com
You know Gregg up until you gave me permission I was going to tell you to fuck off, but you do sound sincere about trying to help. Though you can't help people who don't want help, I have made it this far without Meds that I am sure I can make it til the end. And thats on both accounts the ADD and Depression. Now my question to you should you ever come back and see what I said about you. Why were you searching for "adult ADD" "Fuck"? If your trying to help people like your blog looks like, what does fuck have to do with it?
Fuck's a great word isn't it? Very colorful and found in the oddest of places.
Searching for Adult ADD and Adult ADHD on Technorati turns up all kinds of useless crap. Most of it pedantic pseudo-information sites that, in the end, are trying to sell something unrelated to the disorder. It must be a popular search term 'cuz it also turns up a lot of porn.
I wanted a way to limit my search to blogs written by real people with something interesting to say about ADHD. Given that we, as a symptomatic rule, are impulsive and impatient, we tend to express our frustration by throwing a lot of "fucks" around. We also talk about being fucked up, screwed up, etc.
Believe it or not, I tried lots of search keywords that included adult ADHD. Fuck, screw, fucked and screwed turned up the best results.
Besides the logical reasons, I don't mind coming across blogs that are a little sexy and edgy. What the fuck, I like being surprised and turned on.
Gregg
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