Forsaken

Last night as I laid down, not the slightest bit tired since I took a 3 hour nap just 5 hours earlier, my mind was racing. I stared at the pile of blankets next to me, waiting for a sound, a sigh, a cough or anything. Anything to clear the suffocating silence. Silence my old friend, I thought you were gone forever but as usual you come back to me. I could make it through a whole day not saying a word and I don't think anyone would care, or they would be happy with it. It seems that I piss people off when I open my mouth, though for most people I am trying to. But when I open my mouth to someone I care about just simply making an observation about someone being needy or expressing my hurt about a compliment to someone else I get the rapture. I get the silent treatment. I guess that's what happens when I get too comfortable with someone that I think I can express my feelings to, it backfires. I need to go back to the passionless granite shell I used to wear and see if it still fits. Apparently the world is still not ready for my emotions, Put them back in a time capsule and open them in a few years. Before I fell asleep, I said my prayer.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray this isn't a downhill steep
If it is let me die before I wake
So I can die before she realizes it was a mistake.

I woke up several times in the middle of the night when she rolled over and touched me, apparently with the silence my body was reverting back into forsaken mode. It was going to the place it knew so well. The cold lonely nights. But yet I am awake this day so if there is a lord then hopefully this will get better or he is just teasing and torturing me again. I guess time will tell which.