Wednesday, January 17, 2007
What do I do? Do I continue going on making her life miserable in hopes that it will all work out or do i go back home? Lately I have felt no love, it is like we're roommates who share a bed. You always act pissed at me, you barely give me kisses and when I tell you I love you, you struggle to force the words from your lips. You got me again god, dangle the piece of hope in front of me and then take it away, if not for her, I'd been dead by now or at least dying. Now it's too late my family won't get shit for my death, they would have gotten 400k, now just bills. I'm suprised she stuck around this long, but now it's over. I have a feeling I will stay til the lease is up and we will part ways. I am done, I am done feeling, I am tired of having my heart trampled, even if it's not on pourpose. I am done making peoples lives miserable because they let me into it. I will simply go back to being a hermit, I have no more friends around anyway, cutting off communication isn't all that hard. I will find a low paying job somewhere to pay the bills until I die, just like the rest of the people back home. Or do I go in hopes that somehow love will conquer? Love doesn't conquer shit, it only conquers me. It only fucks with my head and gives me hope that I am not a piece of shit, at least temporarily, then its gone and I am the ass that fell for it...again. I swear each and every time that I won't be that stupid again but sure enough, I do. Someday I will be free, someday I will feel no more. Someday I will make the right decision. Is it better to have loved and lost or not to have loved at all. My vote is to die.
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