I Remember....

I remember those days way back when so well. The days when I didn't have a job. The days when I would sit at home with you all day long. We had so much fun in those days. How they seem so far away now. I used to get iritated with you, only because I didn't know how to handle the situation. For the times when I shouted, I apologize. But hopefully you will remember the good times as I do. I remember taking you out and rollerblading, put you in your stoller and off we'd go. You'd laugh as the wind hit your face. Sometimes you'd even fall alseep at peace with your daddy pushing you while doing a thing he enjoyed doing so much. How close we were back then. Spending all our time together. How I'd get up everytime you cried at night to feed you. I wish time wouldn't have pulled us apart. Life happens, life changes. I got a job that took me away for a while, when I got back you didn't recognize me, or if you did you were mad at me for leaving. You didn't like me much anymore. It hurt more than you will ever know, or I'd ever be able to explain. But things got better. We lived together as a family once again. And I again pushed you in your stroller while I rollerbladed. This time in a different state and much faster as you cheered. We went down hills, both of us laughed as you screamed for me to go faster. Then it all changed again. This time you left me, not by choice but with your mommy. A little older now, you don't seem to resent me quite as much but I still feel it. I hate the fact that I'm missing you growing up. I hate having to hear about it over the phone as you grow taller and begin climbing trees. I know sometimes I was strict with you and you may have hated it. I know I was the same with my parents. But one thing I try to do different with you is talk about it afterwards. Let you know why I was upset and let you voice your opinions about it. I know that we hardly get to spend time together and I know I may slip your mind from time to time. Even though we don't talk much I hope you know I constantly think about you and our future. This summer may be rough but after I get out of the Navy maybe you can come stay with me for a while and then next summer spend it all with me. I just need to save up money and get a bigger place and find a babysitter so I can work when you come still. Though I know I won't want to. I want to teach you how to be a man, not like the other guys you are around, they are not good role modles. I want you to grow up right. I want you to be a good man, as I am trying to be. I want you to have a better life than I did. I hope that one day we will rollerblade down the road once again and talk of the times I remember so long ago.