Why is it I can still fall into slumps. What is it inside me that can bring me down. I think it is my mind. It's got a mind of it's own that I can't controll. I have been happy, really happy, happier than I have been in I don't know how long. But when I am away from here my mind wins, it wonders and roams over shit that is pretty much meaningless for the time being. It trys to think of a future that I don't want to see. When I am with her I only think about the now. I am happy now, I am with her and that's where I want to be right now. But when she is away, that's when the happiness fades and the hate takes over. The hate for everything, I hate the world and everything in it, except for her and the other few that even my mind can't convince me to hate. I hate the fact that I could start a list of everyone and everything I hate but it would be never ending, I could sit here for the rest of my life hating. I hate myself for reasons unknown. I hate the black cloud that seems to constantly follow me around. I hate the fact that I can be depressed when my life has been going great for the past 122 days. I hate greed, I hate money that creates the greed, I hate the money that we need to survive. I hate the fact that entire world depends and struggles for a small piece of paper that runs our lives. It destroys out lives. Everyone will do anything for that little piece of paper, think about it. Everyone has a price. Every guy will take a dick in the ass for some amount of money, every woman would shove a broom stick up her for some amount of money. People may say other wise but get a couple million dollars in cash in front of them and watch them drop their pants. I have never been this way. I have never really given 2 shits about money. I will blow everything in one night just for shits and giggles. The more money you have the more trouble it is. But now I am begining to hate myself for becoming greedy. I keep working and keep saving. I have come to the conclusion that everyone falls into this way of life. I guess that's when you become an adult. When you realize that this is one world under the dollar. When you realize that a piece of paper makes the world go round. You are not in control of your life, the money you have is in control of how your life will be. How much money you have decides what college you can go to, what kind of house you will have, what kind of person you can date, and every other aspect of your life. The thought of all this has begun to drive me mad. For now I'll play along, I'll play the game. What choice do I have, I'm off to work.

Pink Floyd - "Money"

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it’s a hit.
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a lear jet.

Money, it’s a crime.
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise that they’re
Giving none away.

Huhuh! I was in the right!
Yes, absolutely in the right!
I certainly was in the right!
You was definitely in the right. that geezer was cruising for a
Bruising!
Yeah!
Why does anyone do anything?
I don’t know, I was really drunk at the time!
I was just telling him, he couldn’t get into number 2. he was asking
Why he wasn’t coming up on freely, after I was yelling and
Screaming and telling him why he wasn’t coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out